Rise Medusa

Good stuff in my belly, baby

2011-05-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

Although I have been a very bad blogger and haven't posted in months, I've still been wearing out my mixer and fill'n my tummy with some dang good stuff. Here's what I've been up to...

Croissants

My idea of heaven would be a place I where could succumb entirely to gluttony and suffer no negative consequences. I would gorge myself on pastries. I would eat croissants for breakfast, lunch and dinner seven days a week. And after that, I might as well go ahead and wash it down with a big glass of melted butter. Because, as it turns out, a croissant is pretty much a stick of butter wrapped in a thin layer of dough. This is what I learned when I made them. No wonder they're so tasty.

Yep. That's a loaf-shaped glob of butter right there.

The dough gets wrapped around the butter...

...then it all gets rolled into fine sheets of buttery-goodness.

After rolling and stuffing and rolling and baking...this is what comes out.

Nothing tastes as good as fresh-from-the-oven homemade croissants. They were so close to perfection that I think I wept a little with every bite.

You can find a terrific blog post with step-by-step instructions and the recipe here.

Pumpkin Cranberry Yeast Bread

Another recipe I tackled from Baking with Julia is the pumpkin cranberry (yeast) bread. I gotta say, I was entirely unimpressed with the recipe. It was good, but not great. Apparently, though, it was good enough for me to wolf down before getting a picture of the bread *after* it was baked. Alas, here is the only picture I have - right before going in the oven.

Sticky Buns

Did I tell you I also made sticky buns? It's true. I so did. I have been a bad, bad girl. This recipe from Baking with Julia uses brioche dough for the buns, which are filled with pecans and lots of sugar.

Happy eating!

Eat My Muffin

2010-12-13T22:17:00.000-08:00

As many Americans, over Thanksgiving I cooked and baked. A lot. I started Thanksgiving dinner Tuesday afternoon and finished Thursday. I made two pies. For two people. Why I saw the need for Beth and I to both have our own pie is a question that remains unanswered. Like, where did Agent Cooper go at the end of Twin Peaks? Why do I need my very own, very large pie? These are things that keep me up at night.

Moving on.

After all that chopping and sifting and rolling and boiling, I wanted to make something simple. Something quick and easy to appease my carb cravings. As I am still working my way through Baking with Julia, I tried out the two muffin recipes in the book.

First I whipped up the Buttermilk Crumb muffins. Who doesn't love a muffin with a crumbly top? It's all butter and sugar and delicious.

By reading the recipe I couldn't really tell what it might taste like, and I was hoping it would be kind of like a sour-ish yellow cake. It was not like that at all. Instead it was like coffee cake. Almost exactly like coffee cake. Except for the shape. I don't care for coffee cake. Beth likes it, though. And did she eat all 12 muffins? Yes. Yes, she did.

Here's the batter. I thought it looked pretty with the buttermilk, eggs, and crumbly flour mixture.

Here's the finished muffin. As you can see they have flat tops. Baking with Julia loves the flat topped muffin, as you will see with the next recipe as well.

The other night when Beth was working late I came home craaaving blueberry muffins and orange juice. When I was in junior high I would stay at my friend Kristen's house almost every weekend. When we got up on Sunday mornings we would whip up a box of Jiffy blueberry muffins and mix up some orange juice from the can. We'd park ourselves in front of the tv and pig out on those delicious little muffins. To this day, when I want something comforting after a long day (or in the morning after a long night), I still long for blueberry muffins and orange juice. So when I came home needing blueberry muffins, my instinct was to turn to my favorite recipe - Browned Butter Blueberry Muffins by Joy the Baker. But I stopped myself. I am still trying to work my way through Baking with Julia, so I begrungly decided to give that recipe a try.

It started out well enough. When I whipped up the butter and sugar as light as air I began to get inspired. I imagined sinking my teeth into delicate, buttery muffins. In fact, up to the point of baking the muffins I felt optimistic.

But when I pulled the dark brown, crinkled things from the oven my heart sank. The recipe said to bake them for 15-18 minutes. And when I took a bite of those bland ugly things, the dissapointment was immense. It was 8:30 at night, I had used all the blueberries, and there was no chance of making another batch. Never again. From now on, I stick to my very favorite blueberry muffin recipe... or the Jiffy mix.

If you would like to try these muffins, here is the Buttermilk Muffin recipe, and here is the Blueberry Muffin recipe.

Happy eating!

Birthday Profiteroles

2010-11-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

The thing about being the "baker" in my household is that I don't get anyone to bake for me. I guess because I'm such a foodie, I just don't think a birthday is complete without a cake. My birthday was on Friday. It was a rainy, stressful, emotional day and I had a bad headache. I think we were going to go out to dinner, where I could get a special birthday treat, but I opted for mexican takeout instead. No birthday cake for me. On the upside, I did get the thing my heart has been longing for - a pasta roller attachment for my mixer! I have been dreaming about it for years, and it is finally mine! I am so excited about it, in fact, that I am actually considering forgoing traditional thanksgiving fare for an all Italian meal. I cannot wait to try it out!

But back to birthdays. I thought I would get cake at dinner on Saturday, but it was another rainy day and I ended up not getting out of my PJs. Beth went and picked up dinner from our favorite Italian restaurant, and I decided to take matters into my own hands and make my own birthday treat. I wanted something quick and easy to make, with ingredients we already had, from a recipe in Baking with Julia. One thing fit the bill, and I ended up making Espresso Profiteroles.

It was pretty much a flop. I didn't have a pastry bag, so I tried piping the dough with a plastic baggie. It didn't work. It looked like a pile of...well...something you wouldn't want to eat. I also made them too big, so instead of puffing up like cute little shells, they layed flat like a pancake. "Who cares?" I thought. It's the taste that counts, not the way they look, right? Well, they didn't taste great. Honestly they were bland. Not at all like the rich pastry puffs I was craving.

my flat pastries

In case anyone out there in cyberwebland wants to try it, here is the recipe.

Espresso Profiteroles

1/2 cup whole milk
1/2 cup brewed coffee
6 Tablespoons unsalted butter
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 Tablespoon ground espresso beans
1 1/2 cups flour
6 large eggs

Directions:

1. Position the oven racks to divide the oven in thirds, and preheat to 400.

2. Put the milk, coffee, butter, sugar, and espresso grinds in a medium or large saucepan over medium heat (a 2-qt. saucepan works well). Stir the liquid to melt the butter and bring to a full boil (so there are bubbles all over the pan).

3. Add all of the flour, stirring vigorously with a wooden spoon. Stir until all of the flour has been incorporated and the dough forms into a ball and a light crust forms on the bottom of the pan, about 45 seconds.

4. Transfer the batter to a medium bowl, or the bowl of your stand mixer. With a spoon or the paddle attachment, add eggs one at a time, stirring to combine (use low speed on the mixer; you don't want to incorporate a lot of air).

5. Once all of the eggs have been added, you should have a soft, sticky dough. Transfer the dough to a pastry bag fitted with a 1/2-inch tip. This is where things get interesting (messy). I got too excited and just started trying to shove the warm sticky dough into the bag without rolling down the sides. Bad idea. Roll the sides of the pastry bag down and scoop in the dough, rolling up the sides of the bag as you fill it.

6. Pipe quarter-sized puffs onto parchment lined baking sheets.

7. Bake at 400 for 20 minutes, rotating baking sheets halfway through. After 20 minutes, lower temperature to 350 and bake for 5-7 minutes more. The profiteroles should feel hollow when they're done.

8. Slice the cooled profiteroles in half and serve with ice cream and chocolate sauce.

Happy eating.

everything looks better smothered in chocolate syrup

Boiled Dough. Chewy, Chewy. Yum.

2010-11-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

What is it about boiled dough smothered in salt that is so deeply comforting? One bite into an oven-fresh, soft, chewy bagel and my whole body relaxes into calm. My very cells moan, "mmmmm". That's good stuff.

This week I have been boiling a lot of dough - some twisted and some rolled - and my belly has been happy.

A few days ago I came home to my King Arthur Flour order waiting lovingly on my doorstep. I ordered some items that I can't find at my local store, including the hi-gluten flour needed for bagels. So today I cracked open Baking with Julia and used my whole shiny new bag of flour making bagels.

The Recipe
(my notes in italics)

The measurements below will yield approximately 10 large bagels. However, it takes a lot of focused time to make bagels and they freeze really well, so I doubled the recipe. I kneaded the dough in my mixer in two batches to avoid over-heating the motor. I also made smaller bagels - 3 oz each - which yielded about 27.

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 1/4 cups tepid water (80 degrees to 90 degrees F)
2 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons solid vegetable shortening
1 tablespoon salt
1 to 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper (pepper is optional - and I opted out. Black pepper on cinnamon sugar bagels? Yuck. No thanks!)
6 cups (approximately) high-gluten flour or bread flour (I have made bagels using high-gluten and bread flour, and using the high-gluten makes a noticeable difference. Even though the flour is more expensive, I think it's worth it.)

Directions:

Brush the inside of a large bowl with some of the melted butter; set aside. Reserve the remaining melted butter for coating the top of the dough.
Proof the yeast in 1/4 cup of the warm water in the mixer’s bowl.
Fit the machine with the dough hook and add the remaining 2 cups water, the sugar, shortening and salt. Mix on low to blend.
With the machine still on low, gradually add 5 1/2 to 6 cups of the flour, mixing for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the ingredients are blended. Increase the mixer speed to medium and knead for about 6 minutes, adding additional flour by the tablespoon until the dough is smooth and elastic. At this point, the dough may still be slightly sticky and it may not clean the sides and bottom of the bowl completely –that’s OK.

Rise:

Form the dough into a ball and transfer it to the buttered mixing bowl.
Brush the top of the dough with a little melted butter, cover the bowl with buttered plastic wrap, and top with a kitchen towel. Let the dough rise at room temperature for about 1 hour, or until it doubles in bulk. (Although I used the butter as directed, I will not do this again. I think that, particularly for bagels, spray oil works better. The butter made the dough too greasy.)

Chilling & Shaping the dough:

Deflate the dough, cover as before, and refrigerate for 4 hours, or, if it’s more convenient, overnight. At this point, the dough can be well wrapped and refrigerated for up to 2 days.
Note: I let the dough refrigerate for a couple hours, then took it out and shaped the bagels. I placed them all on greased cookie sheets, covered with plastic wrap, and put back in the refrigerator until the next morning. When I got up this morning all I had to do was boil and bake and I had fresh from the oven bagels in about an hour.
Deflate the dough and transfer it to a lightly floured work surface. Cut the dough (you will want each piece to be about 4.5-5 oz. for large bagels and 3 oz. for smaller bagels).Work with 1 piece at a time and cover the remaining pieces with a towel.
To form a bagel and develop the gluten cloak that will give it its structure, draw up the dough from the bottom, stretch it, and pinch it at the top.
Keep pulling the dough up and pinching it until you have a perfectly round, tightly packed ball of dough with a little topknot or pleat at the top. Turn the dough over so that the knot is against the work surface and plunge your index finger into the center of the dough. Wiggle your finger around in the hole to stretch it, then lift the bagel, hook it over the thumb of one hand and the index finger of the other, and start rotating the dough, circling your thumb and finger and elongating the hole to a diameter of 2 to 2 1/2 inches.

Boiling the Bagels:

When you’re ready to make the bagels, position an oven rack in the lower third of the oven and preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Spray baking sheets with vegetable oil and dust them with cornmeal. For added flavor, use one or all of the suggested topping ingredients in combination with the cornmeal to dust the peel or the sheets.
While the oven preheats, fill a stockpot with water and bring the water to a rapid boil. Add about 1/4 cup sugar and 1 teaspoon baking soda to the boiling water.
With a large slotted skimming spoon or slotted spatula, lower the bagels, one at a time, into the boiling water. Don’t crowd them – the bagels should swim around in the water without touching one another; it’s better to boil them in batches than to cram them into the pot all at one time. The bagels will sink to the bottom of the pot when you put them in, then rise to the top. Once the bagels have surfaced, boil for 1 1/2 to 2 minutes on each side, flipping then over gently with the skimmer. Remove the bagels, shaking the skimmer over the stock pot to get rid of some of the excess water, and put them on the baking sheet with the unfloured towel, keeping the smoothest side of the bagel up.
Keeping the smoothest sides up, transfer the bagels to the peel or prepared baking sheet. (Work quickly because the wet bagels have a tendency to stick to the towel.)
Whisk the 2 egg whites and 1 teaspoon cold water together until the whites are broken up, then push the glaze through a sieve and brush each bagel with the glaze. Try not to let the glaze drip onto the baking sheet or peel, or it will glue down the bagels. Don’t worry if the bagels look wrinkled – they’ll smooth out in the oven. Brush with another coat of glaze and, if you’re using a topping, or more than one, sprinkle it, or them, evenly over the bagels now. (See note on toppings at bottom of page).

Baking the Bagels:

The original recipe calls for baking the bagels in a steam bath by adding 1/4 cup icewater onto the oven floor as soon as the bagels go in the oven. I did this for the first batch but didn't notice that it made a difference, so I didn't bother with it after that.

Another adjustment I made was the baking time. The recipe says to bake for 25 minutes, and then for another 5 minutes with the oven off. I did this with the first batch and they were way overdone. The directions below reflect the adjusted baking time.

Put the bagels into the oven and bake for 7 minutes. Rotate baking sheet, and bake for another 5-8 minutes until bagels are golden brown on top.
While the first batch of bagels is baking, boil and glaze more bagels just as you did the first batch.

Toppings I used:

Cinnamon sugar (I mixed ~ 1 TBL butter, 1/2 C. sugar and 2 TBL cinnamon, enough for about 6 bagels)
Sesame seed and salt
"Everything", from King Arthur Flour's everything bagel mix
Plain, brushed with the egg glaze

Let cool for at least 10 minutes before devouring!

Because one can never have enough chewy carby goodness, I also made pretzels. They were delicious. You can find the recipe here.

Happy eating!

On Fibro and Brioche

2010-11-13T13:35:00.000-08:00

Ah. The rejuvenating powers of the four day weekend. My headache is finally gone!

For the past month my body has been very unhappy. She's been pissed off at her poor treatment and has gone into protest mode. Sometimes my fibro or scoliosis isn't that bad. Living with daily back and neck pain is just baseline - it's my norm - and most of the time the pain is just a dull ache. But sometimes my body revolts. When I get stressed, or don't eat well, or work too much, or don't exercise, my body is like, "yeah, well fuck you too!". The past few weeks have been really hard. I just feel tired all the time. And my whole body hurts. I know that if I were to get some exercise I would feel better. Yoga would be a miracle. But I feel so tired and sore it seems an impossible feat. Hence the cycle. Once again I need to suck it up and pull myself out.

But this weekend? This weekend has been good. Today I woke up and for the first time in days I did not have a headache. Baking is therapeutic in some way that is completely new to me. If I'm making bread, I am not thinking about the pain in my shoulders or the emails I need to return or the guilt for still having not returned my lovely mother's phone calls. Nope. I am just thinking about the bread. I am just there, in the moment, with the dough. I am meditating on the mystery of yeast and praying for the perfect rise. The feel of a perfectly kneaded dough, all soft and supple, fills me with complete calm. And even when it falters and it all falls flat, I accept it without a fight, in a way that I cannot do with any other failure I experience. Such is the nature of baking. I learn from my mistakes and try it again without judgment or criticism. It's a quiet joy, like peace.

The past two days I have been doing a lot of baking. I have literally only eaten carbs for the past couple days. Even the soup I made had a flour thickener and was loaded with dumplings. Ah well, life is too short to worry about one's waist.

On to Baking with Julia!

Yesterday I made the brioche and it was divine! I know bread it supposed to cool before being eaten, but that was so not going to happen. The smell alone was making me drool like the dogs. As soon it came out of the oven it was in my mouth. The whole thing was gone before it could stop steaming.

And it was delicious. The crumb was so light and tender it practically melted in my mouth, while the crust was perfectly flaky. I thought the taste was similar to challah - very eggy - and not as buttery as other brioche I've had. With all of that said, I don't know if I'll use this recipe again for a plain loaf of brioche. I actually much prefer Reinharts more decadent version (of course I do!). However, there are 5 more recipes in Baking with Julia that use this dough, so I will definitely be making it again. My mouth is already watering in anticipation.

The Recipe...

INGREDIENTS

THE SPONGE
1/3 cup warm whole milk ( 100- 110 degrees F)
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 large eggs
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

THE DOUGH
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon kosher salt
4 large eggs, lightly beaten, room temp
1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour ( approx)
6 ounces unsalted butter, room temperature

DIRECTIONS

Put the milk, yeast, egg and 1 cup of the flour in the bowl of a heavy duty mixer. Mix the ingredients together with a rubber spatula, mixing just until everything is blended.
Sprinkle over the remaining cup of flour to cover the sponge. Set the sponge aside to rest uncovered for 30-40 minutes. After this resting time, the flour coating will crack, your indication that everything is moving along properly.
Add the sugar, salt, eggs, and 1 cup of the flour to the sponge.
Set in the mixer, attach the dough hook, and mix on low speed for a minute or two, just until the ingredients look as if they are about to come together. Still mixing, sprinkle in 1/2 cup more flour.
When the flour is incorporated, increase the mixer speed to medium and beat for about 15 minutes, stopping to scrape down the hook and bowl as needed.
During this mixing period, the dough should come together, wrap itself around the hook and slap the sides of the bowl.
In order to incorporate the butter into the dough, you must work the butter until it is the same consistency as the dough.
You can bash the butter into submission with a rolling pin or give it kinder and gentler handling by using a dough scraper to smear it bit by bit across a smooth work surface. When it is ready, the butter will be smooth, soft, and still cool- not warm, oily or greasy.
With the mixer on medium-low speed, add the butter a few tablespoons at a time.This is the point at which you'll think you've made a huge mistake, because the dough that you worked so hard to make smooth will fall apart- don't worry, don't panic- carry on.
When all of the butter has been added, raise the mixer speed to medium-high for a minute, then reduce the speed to medium and beat the dough for about 5 minutes, or until you once again hear the dough slapping against the sides of the bowl. Clean the sides of the bowl frequently as you work; if it looks as though the dough is not coming together after 2-3 minutes, add up to 1 tablespoon more flour.
When you're finished, the dough should feel somewhat cool. It will be soft and sill sticky and may cling slightly to the sides and bottom of the bowl.

FIRST RISE:

Transfer the dough to a very large buttered bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and let it rise at room temperature until doubled in bulk, 2- 2 1/2 hours.

SECOND RISE AND CHILL:

Deflate the dough by placing your fingers under it, lifting a section of dough, and then letting it fall back into the bowl.Work your way around the circumference of the dough, lifting and releasing.
Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate the dough overnight, or for at least 4-8 hours, during which time it will continue to rise and may double in size again.

TO BAKE IN LOAVES:

Divide the dough into thirds.Divide each section into 6 equal pieces, and shape each piece into a ball on a lightly floured work-surface.
Place the balls side-by-side in a greased loaf pan so that you have 3 short rows, each with two balls of dough.
Do the same with the other two pieces of brioche dough.
Cover the pans with plastic and allow the dough to rise at room temperature for 2 hours, or until doubled in size.
Preheat the oven to 375°F.
Lightly brush each loaf with egg wash, taking care not to let the glaze dribble into the pan (it will impair the dough's rise in the oven).
Use the ends of a pair of very sharp scissors to snip a cross in each ball of dough.
Bake the loaves for about 30 minutes, or until an instant read thermometer reads 200°F.
Cool to room temperature on a rack.

If you have any left-over brioche (laughable, I know!), here is a blog post that is delicious.

Happy eating!

White Bread & Bender

2010-11-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

I've come to two realizations.

Number one: Matt Groening is brilliant. Is Futerama as good as the Simpsons? Not quite. But is it absolutely amazing? Hell yes!

But it's over. And that's bad.
But now there are mini-made-for t.v. Futerama movies. And that's good.
But they actually don't compare to the t.v show. And that's bad.
But the t.v show is on netflix on my wii. And that's good!

So, I know I'm waaaay behind the times on this - but Bender is just kind of a metal Homer Simpson, huh?

Number two: I just don't like white bread. Unless it's rolled and smothered in garlic and butter, or swirled with cinnamon and sugar, or the french crusty variety, it's just bland and boring.

This weekend I started off my new baking adventure by making the first recipe in the book - basic white bread. It baked up good enough. It's got a nice golden crust and chewy crumb. But the flavor isn't very complex. I mean, it's just plain white bread, people. This weekend I'll use whatever is left to make french toast. I think the simple bread will do well to allow the cinnamon and rum of the french toast stand out (ugh, yes, I make french toast with dark rum. what of it?). The freezer in the loaf is destined to be thanksgiving stuffing, where I think it will feature quite nicely.

Happy eating!

White Bread Recipe
From Cooking with Julia

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups water (105-115 F)1 tablespoon active dry yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
7 cups bread flour or 7 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon salt
1/4-1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened

Directions:

Pour 1/2 cup of the water into a bowl and mix with yeast and sugar til foamy. Let sit for 5 minutes until creamy.
Put the yeast mixture, rest of the water and 3 1/2 cups of the flour into the mixer with the dough hook.
Mix slowly until blended then add the rest of the flour. Increase speed and scrape down the sides til the dough comes together.(If it doesn't add a tbsp of flour at a time til it does.) Add salt and mix at medium speed for 10 minutes til dough is smooth and elastic.
Back in mixer add butter 1 tbsp at a time.
Turn dough out on lightly floured surface and shape it into a ball then place in a large buttered or oiled bowl.Turn dough so it is completely coated in the fat, then cover in plastic for 45 minutes to an hour, til it has doubled in size at room temperature.
Butter 2 loaf pans.
Deflate the dough, cut in half and turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Roll out into a 9 x 12-inch rectangle.With the short end facing you, fold the dough into thirds like a sheet of paper to go into an envelope, creating a roll.Pinch the seam closed, and pinch the ends enough so it will fit in the loaf pan. Drop in the loaf pan seem side down, and repeat.
Cover the loaves with buttered plastic wrap and allow to rise again in a warm place (80°F) for 45 minutes, until they double in size.
Preheat the oven to 375°F and put the rack in the center of the oven.
Bake for 35-45 minutes til they are honey brown.
Immediately turn out of pans onto a rack to cool. Once almost completely cool, they can be cut.

Baking like a Bad-Ass

2010-11-06T13:06:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, as I was laying on the couch with a terrible day-after-Halloween-partying hangover, I watched the movie Julie and Julia. It's about a lost and listless woman who decides to cook her way through the Julia Child's french cookbook. It was mildly inspiring. I thought it over.

A couple years ago I bought the Bread Baker's Apprentice by Reinhart and decided to bake all 45 recipes. That actually doesn't sound like much, but when it takes 2-3 days to make a loaf of bread, it was quite a small feat. But I cheated. I ended up skipping the breads that didn't sound good to me. Sourdough? No thank you. Rye? Not my cup of tea. However, even without those, I became a much better baker. I finally began to get a touch for the feel of the dough, and started to understand some of the science in the various "formulas".

I looked online for Julia Child cookbooks and found the mammoth Baking with Julia. Written by Dorie Greenspan, this book includes recipes inspired by Julia Child and her favorite bakers. Even better? I found a great used copy of this $40 book for only $3.99! Chucking it up to fate, I quickly bought the book and decided to work my way through it.

No cheating this time. I am making a commitment to myself and the endless void of cyberspace to bake every single one of these recipes. Including the 5 different types of rye bread. Including the french bread that takes 2 full days to make and, as the recipe states, is "good up to 6 hours". And including the "glorious wedding cake" that will take a good 5-6 days to create and requires crafting dozens of marzipan cherries (stems and all).

I am most excited to finally try my hand at pastry making. Unlike Reinhart's bread-focused book, this baking book has it all. The table of contents includes:

Breads

Daily loaves
Artisanal breads
Flatbreads

Morning Pastries and Quick Breads

Muffins
Croissants and danish
Scones & biscuits

Cakes

Everyday
Celebration
Cookies

Pastries

Pies & tarts
Grand pastries
Savory pastries

The goal: Make every single recipe in the Baking with Julia cookbook.

The time line: Bake at least 1 new recipe every weekend. There are about 150 recipes in this book, which means that (ack!) it will take me almost 3 years!

The process: To avoid eating cake every day for three months as I work through that section (which my heart would love and my thighs would not), I will work in rotating order. So, I'll make the first recipe out of the bread section, followed by the first recipe out of the pastries and quick breads, and so on and so forth. Every weekend I'll post pictures and keep notes about the process and final product.

So shit, I better start baking. Wish me luck!

Desire

2010-08-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

On my way to work today I listened to a radio documentary called "the design of desire". One of the three segments was about the branding that makes us like the stuff we do. The reporter interviewed marketers who spend their days creating entire cultures around brands and identify people who fit in to the "culture". The broadcast explained, "It's not just about cute clothes. It's about being part of a group, your tribe, the people who care about the things that you care about, who think about the things you think about."

Interesting, right? To explain ones "tribe" in terms of merchandise. How sick. How indicative of the emptiness we feel inside ourselves that we must make ourselves real by spending.

Right?

Well....yea, ok....but, as I listened to the story I started thinking of dozens of brands that speak to me that way. Why, in fact, I spend hours "window shopping" online at the same places, even if I don't have money to buy anything. Am I a hollow shell of a person? Could be. But oh, there are just those things that I know will fill that hole inside me.

So I thought I would share the things that are, apparently, a part of my tribe. Maybe this post is just an excuse for me to look at my favorite things...

and...I don't know how to follow that up except for - here are some of my favorite things!

I really like A.J. Morgan sunglasses. I like the sort of retro style. Plus, they're really cheap. What does that say about me? Stylish but sensible? I like that.

My dream car is a mini cooper. I like that they are customizable. I want one just like this -red with black stripes. They're kind of funky but also practical. They are fancy but not "luxury". Plus they're British. I really, really like the Brits.

I have an uncontrollable desire to own everything from my favorite clothing store, Mudcloth. I got my wedding dress from Mudcloth after searching for months. It was perfect. And every time I go to the website my heart skips a little beat and I think, "oh, come to mama you sweet little minx."

If I had lots of money and could buy expensive clothes, I think I would only shop at Anthropologie. I drool looking at the clothes, and then gasp looking at the price tags. Sometimes I get lucky and find Anthropologie at Buffalo Exchange, but other than that I just have to sit with my unfulfilled desire. I love you, dear. Some day you will be mine.

Blowfish shoes never do me wrong. I love the funky styles and that there are so many non-leather options. I'm not normally a "shoe girl". Beth might disagree, and I suppose looking in my closet you might, too. But I actually buy really practical, simple shoes that I keep forever. Like, one of my favorite pair of work shoes I got when I was 16 years old. That's 15 years ago, friends! I love Blowfish because the shoes are trendy but simple enough that the style will last longer than one season.

Like these shoes. Me wants.

Another thing that I look forward to buying when I suddenly reach the income bracket that allows me to buy fancy cookware (a girl can dream) is Le Crueset products. I don't have any. They are so expensive. But I look at all the pots, pans, and other cast iron cookery with stars in my eyes. Some products are really just the same whether it's designer brand or generic. Frozen peas, for example. Others really are worth the extra money. Like zipper sandwich bags. And cooking utensils. One day I'll have a kitchen with an island in the middle and a grill on the stove. It will have a dishwasher, granite counter tops, and a double-oven. And it will be stocked with Le Crueset. Yes it will.

Shopping at Etsy makes my heart flitter-flutter. Not only have I found some of my most treasured items on Etsy (like my wedding ring), it makes me feel good to buy from independent artists and crafts-people. Not to mention that I do kind of love having something that isn't mass produced, which means that I get to feel very, very special. Here are some of my favorite sellers on Etsy. (p.s. - what are yours? The draw-back to Etsy is that sometimes you have to browse through a lot of crap. I'd love to hear about what others have found!)

Nancy Farmer art. I found her because she does these great Medusa paintings.

Idea2Lifestyle makes these dresses that are so beautiful and look so comfy I want to wear one everyday. I've always loved the style of dance clothing, and these dresses make me think of something a modern dancer would wear. Maybe they just make me want to dance. Surprisingly, even though I look at their shop all the time, I've never bought anything. Maybe my beautiful wife will see to it that I get one of these pretty dresses for my birthday.

Beth and I got our wedding rings from Artisanlook. They make such beautiful, unique jewelry. I love it.

I am kind of obsessed with KittyEmpire. She makes these amazing vinyl bags (yay - no leather!). I want them all. The one bag I got from her has a hole in it. I think that means I need another one, right? I deserve it.

But should I get this one...

or this one...

It's too hard to decide!

The Buddha teaches us that desire is at the root of suffering. How can I argue with that? Wanting all these things I can't have doesn't make me happy. In fact, the more I want and don't get, the bigger the hole feels that I think these things should fill. And I know that no matter how much I have, there will always be more I desire. Oh damn tricky mind. I can't help it. I still want.

Very Bad Girl

2010-07-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have been a very bad girl. I haven't posted anything in a week. No pictures. Nothing. To my defense, I am moving in 2 days and am totally swamped at work right now. I got home at 10pm today after working my third 13 hour day in a row.

And then there's the moving in 2 days. This is what my house looks like now.

I have been so busy that I didn't even go to Comic Con all four days. I only went for two. It's fine, though. I think I'm over it. It's too crowded and smelly and this year some guy got stabbed in the eye with a pen. The thing I'm most upset about, though, is that Beth and I didn't take our annual Comic Con picture. Every year we take a picture of the two of us together cheesing out. But this year we didn't even do that. Pathetic.

I only got a handful of pictures. Here are a few...

Here I am with Alyssa and some people from Star Wars. Aren't their costumes amazing? And that purple girl is totally freaking hot.

Here is Beth as some greek goddess. Isn't it hilarious and adorable?

And here I am trying to cover up Medusa's decapitated head. She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. She's my hero.

That's all? Yea, it really is. Pathetic.

The Status is Not Quo [Picture a Day]

2010-07-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

July 19 - That's Mrs. Packer to You.

We are moving in two weeks. Oh boy! Time to get packing! Well, that's exactly what I did yesterday. I cleaned and I packed. It felt good. Progress.

We got these nice boxes for our move. We purchased brand-spanking-new boxes rather than dumpster dive in grocery store recyle bins. I think that means we're officially the lower-middle class to which we aspire.

So yesterday I was packing, and I noticed the note on the bottom of the boxes. It reads "Mr. Packer" blah blah blah. Mr. Packer?! Hello, box. The 1950s called and wants your sexism back.

July 20 - Up Yours, IRS

Today I got this email from HR. It pissed me off. It said that the IRS has determined that domestic partner benefits should be counted as taxable income. What does this mean for me? The health benefits for Beth, that my employer covers "at no cost" for me, I now get taxed for. Because, you know, it's income. Even though I never see the money.

So I have to pay higher taxes. Which means I am, actually, paying for the benefits. But not getting paid more to cover paying for the benefits that my heterosexual colleagues don't have to pay for.

See what I'm saying? Discrimination. Fuck you, IRS. And the stupid bigots you rode in on.

Good Times [Picture a Day, 7.13-7.18]

2010-07-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

7.14.10 - Beth's Toys

Our house has this little built-in display case in a totally random nook by the stairs. When we moved in Beth and I made a deal that she could put her toys...errr...action figures in this display case and I could do whatever I wanted with the living room. I think she loves our house so much for this reason alone.

We are moving soon, about which I am thrilled. Have I mentioned how much I dislike our house? It smells. Always. Like a musty basement. The carpet must be 30 years old. The seeds from the pepper tree outside get in our shoes and in the dogs fur, and then get tracked inside and stuck in the nasty old carpet. I could go on but I won't. We are moving in 2 weeks and I am happy. But since I have no love for this house, and since we knew we were moving soon, and since no matter how much I scrub the kitchen floor it is still embedded with grime, we haven't cleaned in like a month. At this point we're just living in filth. It's kind of gross.

But Beth loves this display case. I know it will be missed. Here she can proudly display all her Buffy the Vampire Slayer action figures, with batwoman thrown in for good measure.

7.15.10 - Staff Picnic

The CSUSM staff picnic was Thursday and was actually a lot of fun. There was "air guitar", which I'd never heard of, but is pretty much like a drag show without the drag. There was also a lot of fun games and contests, and real good food. Unfortunately my camera battery died after I took this picture so I didn't get a shot of my co-worker with cherry filling covering his face from the pie eating contest.

This is a picture of my co-worker Sara, who is the director of campus activities. Next to her is Kevin, one of my very favorite students who is working in the business office this summer.

7.16.10 - San Diego Pride

This is Pride weekend in San Diego. We didn't go to the parade or to the festival this year because the parade is crowed and early, and the festival is expensive and corporate. But we did go to the political "rally" event on Friday. As you can see it was not very well attended. I wish more people in the community cared about the political nature of pride as much as they care about getting drunk and hooking up. I actually think the political part is the fun part, which I think makes me a little strange.

7.17.10 - Walk About

Last night was the South Park Walkabout. It's an event our neighborhood does once every few months were all the stores are open late and have music and food and people walk about. I drank too much before we went, so when we stepped out of our house it was too crowded and overwhelming. Too many people walking about. It made me claustrophobic. So we just went around the block and came back home. Here I am looking grumpy about the crowd.

7.18.10 - Blech

I drank way too much last night. I woke up feeling hella hungover. I hope this will help.

Elfin Forrest [Picture a Day]

2010-07-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

July 11, 2010

On Sunday we went for a hike at Elfin Forrest in Escondido. I want to make an effort to be more active and take advantage of all the fun out-doorsy stuff San Diego has to offer. Like the ocean, and the mountains, and all those other things called nature. Mostly I sit on my couch and watch tv and read food blogs. So we went for a hike.

It was fun. It was, well, walking. But up a mountain. And not to get anywhere, really. Not like to get to the store to buy a squishy. Just to walk up. And then to turn around and walk down. I've never understood just "walking" before. Like sex without an orgasm. Why expend the effort if you're not going to get anything for it? But apparently walking without a destination can be quite enjoyable.

At the start of the trail there was a sign warning of the mountain lions. It suggested that, if confronted by a mountain lion, to make lots of noise and wave your arms around. They had walking sticks people could borrow. I took one for mountain lion defense. I was really not feeling great about a confrontation with a mountain lion. Because I saw that lady on Oprah who was mauled by a mountain lion for no good reason and her whole face was torn off. That would be an unfortunate end to an otherwise pleasant day, so I wanted to avoid that.

Here I am practicing mountain lion defense with my big stick.

My favorite part was this beautiful stream. I wanted to stay there all day with a sun bonnet and cucumber sandwiches and pretend to be British.

Lola liked it, too.

Unfortunately after she got out of the water, she rolled around in the dirt. Like, a lot. So this is what we got to drive home with.

The car was a total insane-o mess. Still is. But, on...

July 12 - I washed the car

I love going through an automatic car wash. I love watching the water rain on the windshield. So I took a picture from inside of the car....

And, the picture isn't uploading. Well that sucks. Moving on...

July 13 - Pixie was laying down funny.

Nothing else any more interesting happened that day.

Random Stuff [Picture a Day, 7/8-7/10]

2010-07-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

7/8/10 - Stupid Clothes. I hate you.

Here are the clothes in my dresser. I took this picture in one of my fits of "I have nothing at all to wear because all my clothes are stupid and ugly and I hate you." I think, "how did I end up with all these clothes that I don't even like? Part of it is that my body is changing. After I turned 30 my weight started distributing differently and so I just don't feel comfortable in a lot of the clothes I used to wear. And my style is changing, too. I want all my clothes to look like Summer's, in "500 Days of Summer" (staring my boyfriend Joseph Gordon-Levitt).

Unfortunately I don't get a whole new wardrobe every time my body or taste changes, so I am stuck looking at this every day. Will someone please nominate me for "What Not to Wear" with those British ladies so I can get new outfits?

7/9/10 - Sleeping Babies

Beth and Lola snuggled in bed.

7/10/10 - A Walk in the Park

Yesterday we went to Balboa Park to walk along the trails. Most of it was highly disappointing. The company was good, but the scenery was not. I guess I just wanted to get out of the city and into nature. So it was very upsetting when the trails were literally bordering the freeway. It's hard to enjoy a nice, leisurely walk with cars speeding past you at 80 miles an hour.

This was one spot that was removed from the freeway, though, and quite pretty.

This is just a funny picture of me kissing Lola in the car.

And here is some eye candy to end. I have had a crush on this boy since we were both, what, 13? And he was in 3rd Rock From the Sun (one of the wittiest, funniest, and well-acted shows ever). I still have a big heart-on for him. I mean, look at him, he's gorgeous!

One Step Forward, One Step Back

2010-07-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am reminded once again that social justice doesn't happen all at once. Sometimes we make progress and sometimes we regress, carry on with our lives reinforcing the hierarchy of who's lives have worth. Like the 2008 election. I was celebrating Obama's election and the signal that sent about racial equity, at the same time as I was mourning the passage of Prop 8, which took away marriage for lgbt folks and sent a clear message: your rights are not as important as my comfort.

And so here we are again. Yesterday two very important cases were decided on - one a victory and one simple bullshit.

The good news - we are one step forward for true marriage equality. "A federal judge in Boston ruled that a ban on gay marriage contained in the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional because it interferes with a state's right to define marriage." This means that the Federal Government should have to recognize the legal marriages in MA, allowing couples access to a whole slew of benefits including social security. Who says, "so goes California goes the Nation"? Looks to me like MA is leading the way for equality. Moving to Boston is sounding better and better.

Here's a short video that explains what this news means to MA and across the country.

The other news is the jury verdict of the Oscar Grant murder by an Oakland police officer. The all-white jury, in their biggoted wisdom, decided that it was "involuntary manslaughter" not second degree murder. Essentially, again, the jury decided that the freedom of the officer is worth more than the life of Oscar Grant. It is such a tragic outcome to an already tragic event. This is not justice.

Here's another clip from the Rachel Maddow show on this story.

My Mundane Life [Picture a Day, 7/2-7/7]

2010-07-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

Doing picture a day has made me realize that my life is, like, really boring. Sorry I have nothing more exciting to offer. But you know, I'm ok with boring. Boring is easy. I like easy.

July 2 - Books Make Me Happy

Before I left work in June I ordered a bunch of books. The Women's Center has a library where students can check out books, and while there are some good books, they are mostly all donated. This means there's big gaps in our subject areas. I think reading is important, and I think it's important to see oneself represented in books. So I had a fun time picking out books I want to read and ordering them for the Center. When I got back in July, I had a stack of books waiting for me. Aren't they beautiful?

July 3 - I Value Food

I read an blog post, when I was thinking of doing this, that said taking a picture a day makes you realize what is important to you. What I'm beginning to realize is that I value food. And it's true. I value baking my own bread. I value eating local and organic. And I value things tasting good.

I have made a lot of pizzas. I have made a lot of pizza doughs. It never turns out the way I want it to. Pizza dough is a finicky lady. She is too soft, too fragile, and breaks too easily. My pizza crust always ends up looking all buck-toothed and snarled. It tastes good, but it ain't pretty.

But suddenly, something happened. Something clicked. It started to make sense. And look! My pizza is round! I realize pictures of pizza are not attractive. But look! It's round!

July 4 - Dogopoly

Remember how I said I have a boring life? Check it. It was the 4th of July, a time when people across the country are blowing shit up and getting hammered. And what was I doing? At home, playing Dogopoly with the misses.

July 5 - Dog in Dirt

Our yard is totally white trash. We have a big pepper tree above our yard so nothing grows. No grass. Only dirt. Lola likes to go lay outside in the sun in the dirt, and then all the sticky pepper seeds mixes with the dirt and leaves and gets tangled in her tail. Which then ends up all over our bed, and couch, and floor. So I put a blanket outside for her, so when she wants to lay in the sun she doesn't get all dirty. But what does she do?

July 6 - My Office

I didn't know what to take a picture of yesterday, so I took a picture of my office. It was hard. There was no place to stand and get the full view of the room. So this is a picture of one side of my office. I know, not very interesting. Maybe some day you'll get to see the other side of the room. Now wouldn't that be a treat!

That bookshelf you can kind of see on the right isn't secured to the wall in any way, and it's very tall and narrow and I sort of expect it to fall over at any minute. Today there was an earthquake and I looked over and the bookcase was swaying. So I ran out of the room. It didn't fall over, though. Score!

July 7 - Collection Letters

We are totally broke right now. Like, "can we buy more milk today" kind of broke. Things just keep compounding. We went on vacation, which we never do, and spent much more than we should have. Regardless of the fact that one of the reasons we decided to go home for vacation is because we thought it would be real cheap. Not even.

And then we're moving at the end of the month. So we have first month's rent and deposit and holding fees. We have boxes to buy and movers to pay.

But also, Beth doesn't get paid for summer school classes until the end of the summer. Which means it's just my income for a couple months, and let me tell you, that sure isn't cutting it.

So today the car starts acting up. I start it. It dies. I start it again. It dies again. Good lord, car repair is not in our budget right now. And then I get home to find two lovely letters waiting for me.

One is from our landlord telling us we owe them $60 because they found coffee grounds in the garbage disposal when they came to fix it. What? Aren't coffee grounds something the disposal is supposed to be able to handle?

The other is a letter from Wakeeney, Kansas saying I owe them $175 for a speeding ticket. Yea, remember that vacaction that was supposed to be so cheap? It just keeps adding up.

Well, that's kind of a depressing note to end on. So instead I will leave you with these words of wisdom:

"Money can't buy everything.
Money can't make you a king.
Money cannot buy success.
Money can't buy happiness.
But there's one thing I am sure,
money will not make you poor.
Money will not make you sad.
Money can't be all that bad!"

Amy played that song in a piano recital once, which is why I know it in the first place. But I have oft' sung it when times got hard, and lightened my mood. Oh yessir, it surely did. (Imagine saying that with a hillbilly accent).

Happy Things [Picture a Day, 6/29-7/1]

2010-07-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

Things that make me happy...

6/29/10 - Glass storage jars.

I love glass jars, especially jelly jars. There is something about storing food in glass jars that makes me feel like such a martha. It makes me say things like, "I strive to have a well stocked pantry. In case unexpected guests arrive I can whip up a batch of cookies in no time."

I am moving in a month so I am trying to use up as much food as possible. Even that wierd can of stewed tomatoes that's been there for years. That, too. These are newly cleaned jars sitting on my kitchen windowsill after I finished off the last of the all-purpose flour and garbanzo beans.

6/30/10 - Peaches!

Nothing can compare to the sweat goodness of a good peach. Unfortunatley, since moving California we have had one bad peach after another. I had almost given up on California peaches all together, when we got a surprising treat with our CSA box last weekend: delicious peaches..."donut peaches". MMMM, donuts...

7/1/10 - Sweet notes!

Today was my first day back at work after a month long furlough/vacation. When I walked in, I found these notes left on my office door. I think I know the "supa fierce" students who left these for me. It totally made my...like...year. It reminds me while I love my job so much.

Dogs are Good [Picture a Day, 6/28-6/29]

2010-06-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

June 28

The family watching t.v. Every evening we eat dinner and watch whatever our new show obsession is on netflix. Recently we've been watching Arrested Development. Hilarious.

June 29
My cute baby Pixie on the couch. I was crocheting with her next to me, and when I looked down she had yarn draped over her face. It was adorable. I tried to get a picture of it but they came out all blurry. This one works, though!

I've also started watching Fraggle Rock because it's on Netflix on tv. It is even better than I remember it from childhood. And was it just a bunch of hippies working on that show or what? Wembly just sang a song that went "I'm always here.I'm never there. I'm never, ever anywhere. Excepting here, 'cause here is where I'm in. But when I go from here to there, My here comes with me everywhere, 'Till there is here, and here is where I've been." Love it! And I also love Sprocket! Here's to you, ol' Sprocket ol' pal.

The Photographic Interview [Picture a Day, 6.27.10]

2010-06-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

For my picture of the day I am doing a photographic interview. I found the interview questions on some photo blog and thought it was a neat idea. The point is to get to know someone better through photographs. Here are the questions that I'm answering (some were from the original post and some that Amy inspired).

To play, take 1 photograph as your answer to each of the questions below. The aim is to get to know you better, through your photographs

What is your favorite part of your home
Your favorite number
The place that holds the most memories
The items in your purse
Things on your refrigerator
Someone you don’t see a lot but wish you did
Your favorite outfit
Your favorite adult beverage
Your favorite color
What you do to relax

Here we go!

1. My favorite part of my house is our fake fireplace. It's what I look at when I sit on my couch and stare off into space.

2. My favorite number is...

3. The place that holds the most memories...

4. The items in my purse (water, sunglasses, lip gloss, chapstick, lipstick, alieve, gum, a sharpie, a piece of paper with a list of questions to ask the HR person at work, keys, my duct-tape coin purse, my wallet, my gym membership card, earphones, and now my camera!)

5. Stuff on my fridg (we still have people's christmas pictures up. Hi Maura!)

6. Someone I don't see a lot but wish I did (two people I wish I saw more)

7. My favorite outfit - baggy sweats and a soft tee all the way. These are my favorite sweats and tee.

8. My favorite adult beverage

9. My favorite color (the red parts)

10. What I do to relax

Reconnection [Picture a Day, 6.26.10]

2010-06-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

Last night Beth and I had dinner with two of our dear friends from college. We don't get to see each other much, what with living in different parts of the country now, but we just seem to pick up right where we left off without awkwardness at all. These women were such an important part of my life, at one of the happiest points in my life. It was a great night of catching up, laughter and gossip.

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [Picture a Day, 6.25.10]

2010-06-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

I live in South Park, probably the cutest 'hood in San Diego. On Friday we had dinner and ice cream from two amazing places right down the block from our house.

Beth with Mexican dude painting in the background at El Camino. Aside from the food, I love this place for the ambiance. There are paintings like that one all over the walls, funky candles and art everywhere.

Something else I love about El Camino is that the sangrias come in a boot glass. Never underestimate the fun from drinking out of a boot.

Across the street from El Camino is this ice cream joint, with ice cream hand-made in the store. They always have delicious and unexpected flavors, along with the old stand-bys. Beth had cramps so she said she could have ask much ice cream as she wanted. Which was a lot.

The cone was actually mine. It was strawberry and oh-so-good.

On our walk home we passed this place. They are our neighbors. Don't be fooled by the sign in the window. I am convinced this is just a front operation for the mafia. Seriously. They are never actually open, despite the sign claiming otherwise. They have one truck that comes and goes and strange times of the day. I think that's when they haul their stolen goods. And the owner's house is attached to this so called "meat" company. Yeah, I know what "meat" they are serving. Dead meat. As in, you are.

Good-bye My Love. [Picture a Day: June 24, 2010]

2010-06-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Something tragic happened. It hurts just thinking about it. Putting it into writing makes it that much more real and painful. I always knew this day would come one day, but I thought it would happen years down the road. After we'd spent much more time together. Created many more memories. Not now. Not like this.

See, I'm in love. From the first time I ever laid eyes on her I knew I wanted her - no, needed her - to be mine. I knew we were meant for each other. But I never thought it would actually happen, us being together. I thought she was too good for me. That I didn't deserve her.

But then one amazing day she came to me, glowing red and brilliant. A gift just handed down from the heavens. For there surely must be some god for me to get such a thing of beauty. I was so happy I almost cried. And I swore to myself that I would never take her for granted. I would never mistreat her; would never neglect her. I would lavish upon her all the love in my heart, keeping her fresh and forever young. I knew, of course, that it would eventually come to this. But like I said, I just never expected it to happen so suddenly. So soon.

Her name is Trixie. Isn't she beautiful?

It happened like this.

A few months ago I got a new baking book, The Bread Bible by Beth Hensperger. I've tried a few recipes but haven't really dug into it yet, not being overwhelmed with the whole wheat loaf recipes. But, see, we've had these oranges flooding from our refrigerator for quite some time. We get them from our CSA, the Garden of Eden, and they just keep piling up. I was trying to figure out how to use some of the oranges when I remembered that Hensperger has a recipe for "farm style white bread with cardamom", which I had not yet tried. How good would that bread be with orange zest and a little almond extract added? Um, delicious! So I got started at once.

When I get everything mise en place, the first thing I do is to get out Trixie. She was looking healthy and radiant as ever, and I thought once again about how lucky I was to have her. I got through the first half of the recipe without incident - the yeast bubbled up nicely, the orange zest smelled and looked beautiful in the dough, and I had just enough bread flour to make two loaves. After mixing everything together, I put on Trixie's favorite accessory: the dough hook. She danced along, kneading the supple dough for about 4 minutes.

And then it happened. Without warning, the hook stopped spinning and she let out a wail. I knew it had happened, but I didn't want to believe it. So I quickly turned her off, took out the dough hook, and let her cool down. Maybe she just needed a rest. Fifteen minutes later I started her up again, but she simply roared in pain but wouldn't move an inch. The hook dangled from her in stillness. She was broken, and there was nothing I could do to help her.

Since then I have been searching for doctors...um, appliance repair people...to fix her. But what if they don't treat her with care? What if they do more damage to her? I can't stand the thought of another person putting their greasy hands all over her, pawing her as if she was nothing but a tool for their own selfish means. I know I will have to give in and take her soon, as I am suffering so without her.

I finished kneading the dough by hand with tears stinging my eyes.

The bread turned out delicious, but I can't help but taste bitterness in its bite. For this is the bread that killed my true love Trixie.

Farm-Style White Bread with Cardamom
Adapted from Beth Hensperger's recipe in The Bread Bible

Makes 2 9x5" loaves or 1 loaf with braid

Ingredients

2 C. boiling water
5/6 (1/2 + 1/3) C. dried milk
2 TBL unsalted butter
zest of 2-3 oranges
1 t. almond extract
1/2 TBL salt
1/2 C. sugar
1/4 C. warm water (105-115 degrees)
1 TBL active dry yeast
pinch of sugar
1 t. cardamom
About 6 C. all-purpose or bread flour

Egg glaze

1 egg at room temp
1 TBL milk or cream
1 t. vanilla or almond extract

Directions

In a large bowl using a whisk or in bowl of heavy-duty mixer fitted with paddle attachment, combine the boiling water, dried milk, butter, orange zest, almond extract, salt, and sugar. Stir until the butter melts and let stand at room temp until lukewarm, ~ 20 min.
Pour the warm water into a small bowl. Sprinkle with yeast and pinch of sugar over the water. Stir to dissolve and let stand at room temp. until foamy, ~ 10 min.
Add 2 C. of flour, the cardamom, and yeast mixture to the milk & butter mixture. Beat hard until smooth and creamy, ~2 min. Switch to a wooden spoon if manually mixing, and add the remaining *flour, 1/2 C. at a time, until a soft, shaggy dough that clears the side of the bowl is formed.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and knead until the dough is smooth and resilient to the touch. It should be slightly tacky to the touch. This will take ~6-10 min. Dust with flour as needed to prevent sticking. If kneading by machine, switch paddle to dough hook and knead ~ 5-8 min., or until the dough is smooth and springy. It should spring back when pressed. In either case, dough should pass windowpane test.
Place dough in lightly oiled bowl. Turn once to coat the top and cover with plastic wrap. Let rise at room temp. until doubled, ~ 1-2 hours.
Gently deflate the dough and turn out onto work surface. Oil 2 9x5" loaf pans for two loafs, or 1 pan for a loaf with a braided top**. Divide the dough into 2 equal portions. Shape the portions and place in pan(s). Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rise until almost doubled, ~1 hour.
Twenty minutes before baking, preheat the oven to 350. In a small bowl, beat the egg, milk, and extract together to make the glaze. If making two regular loaves, you can slash the tops with a serrated knife no more than 1/4" deep to make it decorative and pretty. Brush the tops with the glaze. Place the loaf pan(s) on the center rack of the oven and bake ~ 40-45 minutes, or until the loaves are brown and sound hollow when tapped with your finger. Transfer the loaves immediately to cooling rack. Let cool completely before eating.

If this bread isn't eaten within a day or two of making, use the left-overs to make a delicious french toast. Top with orange marmalade instead of syrup (or use both!).

*The amount of flour used will depend on how dry your flour is and how much orange zest you added. I only needed 5 C. of flour.

**I did one loaf with a braided top. Unfortunately, the braid slid while rising, so it kind of looked like an 80's style hair-do. To make a braid, divide one half of the dough into 3 equal pieces. Roll into strands about 10" long. Braid strands together like you would hair, or get creative. Carefully pick up braided strands and rest of top of regular shaped bread loaf in pan.

A Picture a Day: 6/21-6/23

2010-06-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

July 21, 2010

Still in vacation mode so I got up late and made fresh orange-carrot juice with the produce we get from the CSA.

July 22, 2010

I am working on a new throw blanket for our bedroom. I feel like I'm being buried in yarn.

July 23, 2010

I took the girls to the dog park, which is only a 10 minute walk from our house. Pixie had fun sniffing everything and looking for food while Lola and I played with the ball. Here she is saying, "there is the ball. Don't you see it? Silly person, it is right in front of your face. Don't just look at it, throw it. Throw me the ball!"

2010 Epic Road Trip Home

2010-06-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

I am a crazy manic organizer. I have planned so many progams and events for work that it carries over to my personal life. Moving down the block? I have a three-page timeline complete with checklist and task assignments (for Beth and I. The dogs don't get jobs). Getting a hair cut? I arrive with a notebook full of pictures sorted in order of hair length, each picture with completely indexed and deconstructed with footnotes. So of course when Beth and I decided to spend our vacation taking a road trip home to KS/MO, no gas station or potty break was left to chance. I had it all completely mapped out by the hour in a document I labled the "2010 Epic Road Trip Home".

Funny, then, that the trip was not really epic. And even more surprising, "home", no longer felt like home. Of course family always feels homey, and I felt such complete peace just being with them. But for the first trip ever going back to Lawrence, it didn't feel like home and San Diego the place I was just visiting. And although I loved it, and the end of the week, I couldn't wait to get back home to San Diego and eat some good Mexican food. We spent our vacation visiting family in the midwest because I was feeling incredibly home sick. What I discovered was that home has a different meaning now, and it took going back to realize it.

Perhaps this explains why, although I started out with the intention of documenting everything with my camera, I have a scant little amount of pictures to show. Nonetheless, here is the (lacking) pictoral documentation of my (not so) epic road trip (to the place i used to call) home.

Day 1: San Diego to Grand Junction, CO

We set off bright and early, around 8:00a.m. and got to Grand Junction around 10-ish. We were all set for a fun time on the road.

Here is Beth driving. She drove 99% of the time, which was fine by me. I wanted to drive when we were in CO, which I was "allowed" to do for about 2 hours before Beth started looking so nervous that I finally pulled over and let her drive again. I think my mountain driving was perfectly acceptable. Beth was going to have a heart attack. I also "got" to drive after Beth got pulled over for speeding on the KS/CO border on our way there. After I got pulled over for speeding a mere 4 hours later, she took the wheel again. 2 speeding tickets in 4 hours. Hot damn!

Lola and Pixie had the whole back of the car to themselves. They were very good girls.

We drove through Utah in the evening, and it got really freaking cold. We pulled over at a scenic rest stop around 8pm to pee and take some pictures.

Here is me with the girls.

Here is Beth with the girls.

Here's me and Beth.

Day 2: Grand Junction to Denver

It is only about a 4 hour drive from Grand Junction to Denver, so we got a late start hitting the road in order to enjoy some local flavor. Grand Junction was a very cute little town. The downtown was so...quaint... with some really cool sculptures lining the streets.

One of the sculptures was a pig. I thought Lola would find it more interesting than she did. I think Pixie just wanted the corn.

We went to Main Street Bagels for breakfast. The bagels were so good and fresh - the best I have ever tasted. I also bought a loaf of cranberry walnut bread and that was good too.

Here is Beth standing in front of the bagel shop.

We got coffee at a local place down the block. Now I'm spacing on its name, which is a shame, because it was the best coffee I have had in years. It might be worth a trip back to Grand Junction for coffee and bagels. Seriously.

We had a nice leisurely drive to Denver. We were able to stop a lot along the way to check out the beautiful mountains. Some of which still had snow!

Here's Beth and I on our way to Denver.

Here I am with the dogs and the amazing view.

We got to Denver early in the day so we could just chill for a while in style. And so we did. We stayed at this posh, very dog friendly, hotel in the heart of downtown Denver. We ordered room service and had yummy pasta. I took a bath. We even ordered a movie on the tv. I mean, really, we were living large.

The hotel had these really snuggly robes. I enjoyed it.

There was an old-fashioned phone on our floor that I fell in love with. I made Beth pose with it.

It's hard to get a pictures of the whole family together. But we tried in our hotel room. Here's an attempt.

We tried again but Lola was off.

Day 3: Denver to Kansas City

This is when the pictures slow down. I was sick of the car and sick of the drive and sick of the scenery. I wanted to get there. Plus my tummy hurt. I didn't take any pictures on day 3.

Day 4-6: In Kansas City

We stayed at Beth's parents in Kansas City, and basically just hung out at the house a lot. Her parents house has this incredible back yard that is so taken for granted in the midwest. The dogs loved it. And they had a mermaid bench that I am in love with. Here I am trying to pose like the mermaid.

Of course, we immediately went to eat at Genghis Khan. Priorities! Genghis Khan is the best place in the universe. I have dreams about this place.

They have this tofu soup that is a thing of beauty. Here Beth is enjoying some.

Here are our bowls. All gone!

Everything they have is delicious. We get the veg-buffet. They have really nice, fresh produce and lots of it. They also have these yummo sesame breads. I used to grab a handful and put them in my pocket to go. MMMM.

We also had a lot of coffee. Here is Beth and Peggy at the "Hi Hat". I had never been there before but it was so cute and tiny that I had to take a picture. Right next door there was a artisan chocolate shop. I bought a bag of dark cholocate chunks for baking, and a bag of dark chocolate almond bricks for snacking. It was delicious.

Days 7-10: In Lawrence

We spent the next few days in Larryville, staying with my mom. The first day mom and I decided to go to Gopi's yoga class. Before we left Don suggested we go out to eat, and mom called Amy to see if her family wanted to join. She couldn't get a hold of Amy but left a message with Jake, and off to yoga we went. It was a great class. Gopi is a really attententive teacher and helped me achieve some poses that I had never done before. After the class, mom, Gopi, Jean (who also was in the class) and I stood outside talking for over an hour and a half. Suddenly mom's phone rang, and it was Amy calling to say she and the whole family had been waiting at El Mezcal for 2 hours! So off we ran to meet the very annoyed family and totally pissed off waiter.

But how wonderful it was seeing everyone! All there together like some sort of magic! I felt that pure comfort in my body that only comes around family. And the cheese dip helped.

Here is Amy and Erskine. It makes me so happy that they are still so much in love and just seem to be so perfect for one another. He's such a good guy for such a good gal.

Here are some of us at the table. My big head is covering mom's.

Here are Jake, Delano and Elijah. Jake is totally emo; just a sullen teenager. See - he's pretending to cut Elijah's fingers off. It's actually pretty funny how dead-pan he is. Delano loves the thumbs up.

Look at my "baby" brother! He is all grown up (except he still lives with mom and doesn't have a job). He is such a sweet heart. I wish I could be with him all the time. I just love him so much.

Me, Amy, Logan and mom. See how tall Logan is? I used to be the tall one! We just need to photoshop Maura in the picture.

The next day we went to Obiji. It has evolved so much, and is even more beautiful than I remember. It looks like Laura did a new tree sculpture, so I made Elijah stand next to it for a picture. He sweetly complied.

Obiji also now has several permanent swings in different locations. Delano loved it but pretended he didn't.

There is also a stage/platform thing by the maypole now. Fabulous! Elijah, Delano and I tried for several minutes to get a good picture. I think taking a picture with two little boys is as hard as with dogs. Neither can sit still for too long!

Then we went down to the pond. I thought it was too cold to get in the water, but the kids loved it. Here is Beth and I on the dock.

Here is the pond with the kids on the raft.

Later that day we went to Amy's house and ordered pizza from Rudys. It was SO good! I also got to meet Amy's new (to me) dog, King. He is a total sweety.

We spent the night again at mom's, and the next morning putted around outside. She's living in this cute little country house that I am in love with. I also love her garden and her dogs. I met her new dog, Riley, who is such a fiesty fur-ball.

Days 11-12
The next day we went back to Kansas City for a party with Beth's family, and then the next night (our last) we went back to Lawrence for a Burgess gathering at grandmas. Strangely, we don't have pictures of either. Hum.

Days 13-15
The car ride home was all business. We just wanted to get home. No stopping for scenery. No dilly-dallying. Just home-bound. This is our last picture from our vacation, in the hotel room the night before we got home. Very tired.

It was great to see everyone, but relaxing it was not. The whole trip was so hurried between two families, and I didn't even have a chance to see friends. So Beth and I promised eachother that the next time we suggest taking a "vacation" to see family, we go to Santa Cruz instead and make our families join.

June Furlough, Week 3

2010-06-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

Let's skip the part about me not blogging for a year, shall we? I will just pick up where I left off and pretend my new job hasn't been consuming all my time. The bright side is that I love it. Another perk? This year I got all of June off. Here's what I was up to last week - week 3 - of my June time off.

1. BAKING

I have been baking up a storm! Although not documented in photos, my belly remembers it well. Last week I baked...

Peter Reinhart's Transitional Whole Wheat Cinnamon Raisin Bread.
Here's an article about the bread, and includes the recipe. I recently bought Reinhart's Whole Grain Breads book, where this recipe originates, and have been slowly trying my hand in different kinds of whole wheat baking. Despite the beautiful starter doughs (pictured below), I found the end product almost unedible. In fact, the loaf went into the garbage. If I'm going to consume a couple hundred calories for a slice of bread, it better be damned good. And this was not.

My pre-doughs for the Transitional Cinnamon Raisin bread. The raisins go into the whole wheat starter dough, which sits out for at least 12 hours. Unfortunately, they didn't hold up in the kneading process. After 10 minutes they were all smooshed up in the dough and only little raisin skin flecks were left.

Peter Reinhart's Cinnamon Raisin Bread
Mere hours after pulling out the whole wheat version out of the oven, I got started on the cinnamon raisin bread recipe found in Reinhart's Bread Bakers Apprentice book. I've used this recipe a lot and each time it turns out simply divine. This was no exception. Unfortunately, the bread was eaten faster than I could get a picture of it, but Nicole at Pinch My Salt has a great tutorial from the BBA Challenge.

Light Wheat Bread
I have been making a lot of 100% whole wheat, nutty breads lately. When I get home sick I crave certain foods, namely sunflower seed bread and wheat beer (is beer a food?), so I had been consuming a lot of both. For a change of pace, I made Reinhart's Light Wheat Bread. I know it's only 33% whole wheat, so I don't know if it can be considered "healthy", but it really is delicious. Smitten Kitchen has a blog post that includes lots of pictures and the recipe.

My light whole wheat loaf, waiting to be sliced.

Last but not least - Garlic Herb Focaccia
Again, this was eaten before the camera could come out. It was that good, if not really oily. In the recipe, Reinhart (who else?) claims that the dough will soak up the 1/2 cup of olive oil that is poured on before baking. This is true I suppose, but I still felt like it was way too much. Here's an article Reinhart did for Fine Cooking, with the recipe.

2. DECOPAGING

I love to decopage! It's a fun and quick craft that can transform any plain-old-thing into a thing-of-beauty. I finished a couple of decopaging projects this week.

Kitchen Frame for Unit Conversions
It is not uncommon for me to stop in the middle of a recipe, run to the stairs with my hands covered in flour, and yell up to Beth "how many cups are in a liter?". But now that problem is solved! I decopaged a $3 frame from Michaels, and printed out some basic unit conversions. Now I have a pretty chart hanging in my kitchen whenever I need it.

Bathroom Boxes
Our kitchen has no storage at all. Ok, there are two little shelves, which just does not cut it. To help keep all those little bathroom things tidy - clippers, cue-tips, nail polish, bobby pins - I decopaged these cheap-o Ikea boxes. I think they are so pretty.

3. BEACHING

For San Diegans, Beth and I go to the Beach a sad few times a year. But this week we went two times in two days! What a perfect end to this vacation week.

speak!

2009-07-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

yes! yes! yes! wish i could have been there.

this was posted on cripchick's webblog
___________________________________________________________________

a transcript of the poem speak! radical women of color media justice collective read in the dark at the allied media conference opening. the theme of the conference was “we are ready now”:

Noemi:
poetry? hmmm…do you want me to write poetry

(spoken through out auditorium by anybody and everybody we can get as
a murmur. after two lines are said, all say I speak I speak)

Elle:
with what
with whom
but how
who says
who said
how come
how long
which words
which way
my tone my tongue
my soul it lives
I speak

all: I SPEAK

Adele cracks silence to ask:

Adele: Why do you SPEAK?

Maegan:
hablo porque no me queda de otra
even though my tongue tangles spanglish mixed blood palabras
somehow they always translate into
love y lucha

Adele:
Speaking -my voice- is my faith
Faith that there are others like me
Faith that my voice has been heard
Faith that grows with me and never holds me back
I speak for protection
For love
For grounding
To remember I - we exist

Noemi:
feed writing, starve poetry

Little Light:
I speak because underneath my tongue and lips, my hips and hands,
behind my eyes and down my back is a skeleton: as mute and hard and
insistent as the bones of my ancestors. It demands that I give my
voice so they may speak.They ask where the bones are buried, and remind me where my ghosts
are. They ask me from the ink in my marrow,
Who lies beneath your living feet as you walk?
and who has gone before while you go forward?
and who is silent when you are speaking?
and who is outside your Inside, and inside your guts?
and who do you belong to,and who taught you beauty,
and on what do you stand, holding you steady from beneath, raising you high?
My skull clicks its teeth and asks me to listen. Through all my warm
and bloody flesh, where are the bones buried?
I speak
because underneath my eyes, my tongue and lips, my hips and hands, is
a skeleton:
as hard, and mute, and insistent as the bones of my ancestors, and thebones in you.
It demands that I give my voice so the ghosts are heard, because
further under still, between my clutching ribs and fountain-pen spine,
I have a beating heart.
And soI am ready.
Now.

cripchick:
revelations dance together in the caves of our mouths
webs of spit holding together poems not yet ready
tongue acting as transmitters
for every secret
you attempted to hide in the back of your throat
baby don’t you know?…we are ready now.

Blackamazon:
One me many tongues
crossed tossed not mixed not muddled
run deShakespeareiambic my creolese
hip hop overtures
Cr’est seulment pour une chose my voice
It is always better to speak.

Alexis:
brokenbeautifulbrownsweetour half-baked edges
fused with coconut and sugarlust
hot filling my mouth with
yes
yes
yes
yes
possible
now

After My Own Heart: Medusa Art by Nancy Farmer

2009-07-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

For years now I have been a cyber hunter and gatherer of Medusa art. What started out seven years ago as a quest for tattoo inspiration has turned into a kind of compulsion to view the different ways Medusa is portrayed in popular culture and the arts. Seven years ago I had a hard time finding empowering portrayals of Medusa. She was typically shown post-decapitation, her severed head held up by the "hero" Perseus, her face stricken in surprised terror.

Even before I knew anything about the Medusa myth, these images made me extremely sad. What does it say about how this culture thinks about women that we celebrate the gruesome murder of this woman, who herself was a victim and a play-thing of the gods? There she was, minding her own business, when she's raped by the sea god Poseidon. And then Athena gets all crazy pissed and turns the beautiful Medusa into a monster. But what do we focus on? The nerve of some silly little woman having too much power over men. Women are supposed to be weak, docile, and available for the sexual pleasure of any man (or god) when it strikes their fancy. And here is this woman - this "monster" - daring to stop men in their tracks? Off with her head!

Now that is some woman hating that Andrea Dworkin could really have a field day with.

But I digress. The point is that Medusa just couldn't catch a break. First the rape, then the snakes, then the decapitation, and lastly the centuries of art depicting her as a grotesque monster and glorifying her murder.

The first empowering images of Medusa I found were on the cover of two wonderful books, Angry Women and Angry Women in Rock. Here she is, looking powerful wrapped in the serpents of her passion. She stares directly at the viewer, her eyes transfixing in their intensity. Her glance forces the viewer to look inward at their own rage and passion. What they find can turn them to stone or set them free.

Recently Medusa has blossomed in popular culture. Now we have a Medusa's Night Club, a Medusa piercing, Medusa wine, and a Medusa ride at 6 Flags, just to name a few. My girl Medusa has also emerged full-bodied and independent in feminist and fantasy art.

Recently, while doing a "Medusa" search in Etsy, I stumbled upon an amazing artist who has a series of Medusa art. Nancy Farmer depicts Medusa as a "regular" woman with the pesky problem of having snakes for hair and trying to figure out how to get some without turning the men to stone. Her Medusa paintings are at once hilarious and depressing as she tackles the daily life of Medusa most of us would never consider.

What, for example, to do with her hair?

Here she is shown trying to blow-dry the tangled webs of snakes. As they hiss and writhe at the heat, Medusa smiles slyly as if she enjoys this little game. I would bet that Medusa gets awfully bored and welcomes a little challenge.

And how does Medusa make a living?

As a dominatrix, of course! I am really in love with this painting. I think it's that the men are cowering in fear despite having a thick leather mask covering their eyes.

My favorite pieces, however, are these two that are a little twisted, a little titillating, and shine with dry humor.

This first one is brilliant. What would Medusa do with all those stone statues of men that must be simply littering her garden? I can think of no better use than this.

This last one, Medusa and Oedipus, is probably my favorite. Medusa finally gets a man she doesn't turn to stone! Dear old Oedipus gouged his eyes out, anyway, so he seems to be the perfect match. What I love about this piece is how completely, obliviously happy Medusa is. She holds Oedipus in her arms like a 5 year old might hold a kitten. The bumbling old fool seems helpless to do anything but resign himself to his fate of being Medusa's new plaything.

Nancy Farmer has several other Medusa paintings, all of which are equally as amazing as these. Check out all her work and buy a print at http://www.nancyfarmer.net/

:::

Check out my other Medusa posts:

http://risemedusa.blogspot.com/2009/06/whats-up-with-medusa.html

http://risemedusa.blogspot.com/2009/06/rise-medusa.html

Like Thanksgiving in July: Cranberry Walnut Bread

2009-07-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

My favorite Thanksgiving dish is my grandmother's cranberry relish. It is sweet and tart, juicy and crunchy, and amazing with the tofu turkey. Thanksgiving in my family is done potluck style so no one has to slave over a stove all day. Plus we get to feed each other all the love we put into our dishes. My grandmother made the cranberry relish and I always took a big serving home with me. After moving to California and spending my first Thanksgiving without my family I was convinced I would forever miss out on my grandma's famous cranberry relish. I thought surely she did something magical that I would never be able to reproduce. I decided to try my luck at making it, just to see how it would turn out. I emailed her to ask for the recipe, and this is what she emailed me back:

1 bag fresh cranberries
1 cup granulated sugar
1 whole orange
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Put cranberries, sugar and whole orange (with peel) in food processor and finely chop. Stir in pecans. Refrigerate overnight.

That's it! That was her famous recipe! I couldn't believe it was so...simple. And what's more - after buying a bag of oceanspray cranberries I saw that it is the recipe on the back of the bag! I couldn't believe that all those years I had thought that it was my grandma's own secret recipe. It was like learning that the tooth fairy isn't real. Although my heart broke just a little, I now make my own "special grandma's cranberry relish" every Thanksgiving.

This week for the BBA Challenge I made the Cranberry Walnut bread. I got up this morning prepared to make cinnamon raisin bread, but as I started pulling things out of my cabinets I realized that both my shortening and my raisins were over a year expired! So without hesitation I decided just to skip ahead and make the cranberry walnut bread instead.

I knew as soon as I started that I wanted to make it taste as similar to my "grandma's famous relish" as possible. In order to achieve this, I used pecans instead of walnuts. I also knew I wanted that orange flavor. Unfortunately I didn't have orange extract, so I used 1 T vanilla and 1/2 T lemon extract. For the orange flavor I added the zest of 1 orange. This not only had a wonderful flavor, but it made this dough even more beautiful.

And now the pictures:

Beautiful dough, all mixed together. I had to add quite a bit more flour to make the dough "slightly tacky but not sticky".

The top and bottom braided dough. I was tempted to roll out each strand longer because at this length it was very hard to braid. Each strand was only "braided" 2 times, making more of a twisted lump shape than a braid. But I'm glad I resisted, because the plump strands make the delicious, doughy bread that came out of the oven.

All done! The crust...

...And the crumb

Happy eating!

Why my pants won't fit: Sticky Sweet Cinnamon Rolls

2009-06-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

I somehow got a little ahead on the BBA Challenge so I have already made my cinnamon rolls. Honestly I couldn't wait to try out this recipe because cinnamon rolls rank very high on my list of top favorite foods. I don't think much of anything is better than a perfect cinnamon roll - big and doughy, just slightly sweet and pillowy soft. I have tried a few different recipes, and I haven't really been crazy for any of them. So I was very excited for this challenge.

The rolls turned out beautiful - big and soft with the perfect texture. However, I thought the taste was just so-so. Reinhart seems to be a huge fan of the lemon extract, which was called for in both the buns and the frosting recipe. I decided to use orange zest for the frosting, which was actually delicious. But the lemon flavor was too overpowering in the buns. It's all I could taste. I am a fan of lemon, but lemon extract has a very strong and distinct flavor, and I just don't think it should have gone anywhere near my cinnamon rolls. Of course, that didn't stop me from inhaling a few. I will definitely be making these again sans lemon.

Want the recipe? You can find it here.

In other baking news...

I've also already made the ciabatta...twice. Both times have been failures. The first was really horrible. All I could do with it was make it into bread crumbs. After reading the recipe again I realized my dough had way too much flour, and that it needs to be very moist and soft. So I tried again, and here's the final product:

The taste was amazing, but I still didn't manage to get the big holes in the bread like ciabatta should have. This time I didn't add enough flour! I was so worried about adding too much flour that I didn't put enough on the counter when I let it rise. Then, when I picked the bread up again I had to yank it off the counter, popping all the wonderful gas bubbles that had formed and would make those holes in the bread. I think next time I'll get it just right. (Hey, if it worked for Goldilocks...).

I also already made the cornbread. Beth and I are moving and we're trying to work our way through all our canned food, so I thought I would make chili one night with the 5 cans of black beans we have for some reason. I went ahead and made the cornbread to go with that. This cornbread recipe is crazy because it has bacon on top! Since I am a vegetarian I used veggie bacon strips and it was actually really good. The cornbread had that perfect combination of sweet and salty that makes me drool. Since Beth doesn't like cornbread it was a lot of effort (a night of letting the cornmeal soak in buttermilk) for just me, but it would be a fun thing to bring to a winter potluck.

Happy eating!

In Her Own Voice - the Origin of the "Monster" Medusa

2009-06-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am in love with Medusa. By which I mean I am in love with the Medusa side of myself - my power and fearlessness. Medusa refuses to be an object. She is pure sex and strength and knowledge, and that is absolutely petrifying to those who prefer women to be docile, empty headed dolls.

Here's the basic story of Medusa
"The exquisitely beautiful Medusa, one of the three Gorgons of Greek myth and the only mortal one, was said to have dallied with - or, in other versions, to have been raped by - the sea god Poseidon in the Temple of Athena. As punishment for this transgression, Athena transformed Medusa from woman to monster, changing her luxuriant long hair into a tangle of hissing snakes. A spectator gazing at Medusa would henceforth be turned to stone" (The Medusa Reader, p.3). Medusa was later murdered by Perseus, who fixed her decapitated head to his shield. Most Medusa art, until recently, has depicted her in this way - a trophy of the patriarchy.

Depending on which version of the myth you look at, Medusa was either punished for expressing her sexuality or for being raped. And still today, women are punished for being too sexual. We are sluts or whores, unworthy of respect and viewed solely as a vessel, when we are too visible in our sexuality. Women are also still blamed today for being raped. We are told it's our fault and are punished through humiliation and living in perpetual fear. To top it all off, Medusa was punished by Athena, the "goddess of wisdom". No "sisterhood is powerful" or "you go girl for gett'n some" from her. Oh Athena, I thought you were smarter than that.

There is so much to explore in Medusa, but today I want to share a couple of amazing poems. They are both written from a feminist perspective, giving Medusa a voice on what happened with Poseidon Athena's temple.

Medusa by Patricia Smith

Poseidon was easier than most.
He calls himself a god,
but he fell beneath my fingers with more shaking than any mortal.
He wept when my robe fell from my shoulders.

I made him bend his back for me,
listened to his screams break like waves.
We defiled that temple the way it should be defiled,
screaming and bucking our way from corner to corner.
The bitch goddess probably got a real kick out of that.
I'm sure I'll be hearing from her.

She'll give me nightmares for a week or so;
that I can handle.
Or she'll turn the water in my well into blood;
I'll scream when I see it,
and that will be that.
Maybe my first child will be born with the head of a fish.
I'm not even sure it was worth it,
Poseidon pounding away at me, a madman,
losing his immortal mind because of the way my copper skin swells in moonlight.

Now my arms smoke and itch.
Hard scales cover my wrists like armour.
C'mon Athena, he was only another lay,
and not a particularly good one at that,
even though he can spit steam from his fingers.
Won't touch him again. Promise.
And we didn't mean to drop to our knees in your temple,
but our bodies were so hot and misaligned.
It's not every day a gal gets to sample a god,
you know that. Why are you being so rough on me?

I feel my eyes twisting,
the lids crusting over and boiling,
the pupils glowing red with heat.
Athena, woman to woman,
could you have resisted him?
Would you have been able to wait
for the proper place, the right moment,
to jump those immortal bones?

Now my feet are tangled with hair,
my ears are gone. My back is curving
and my lips have grown numb.
My garden boy just shattered at my feet.

Dammit, Athena,
take away my father's gold.
Send me away to live with lepers.Give me a pimple or two.
But my face. To have men never again
be able to gaze at my face,
growing stupid in anticipation
of that first touch,
how can any woman live like that?
How will I be able to watch their warm bodies turn to rock
when their only sin was desiring me?

All they want is to see me sweat.
They only want to touch my face
and run their fingers through my . . .

my hair

is it moving?

Medusa (part 1) by Ann Standord

Had I but known when I saw the dog approaching!
His horses pulled him briskly over the water
As on dry land, wreathed in seaweed, dripping,
His chariot shone gold in the warm summer.
I stood as he walked – the hold man – up from the shore.
He climbed the temple stares. He praised my grace.
I had never seen a god before.
He seized and raped me before Athena’s alter.

It is no great thing to a god. For me it was anger –
No consent on my part, no wooing, all harsh
Rough as a field hand. I didn’t like it.
My hair coiled in fury; my mind held hate alone.
I thought of revenge, began to live on it.
My hair turned to serpents, my eyes saw the world in stone.

BBA Challenge Overview

2009-06-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am participating in the Bread Bakers Apprentice Challenge. The BBA Challenge is a group of 200 home bakers who have come together to work our way through Peter Reinhart's BBA cookbook. We are already on week 5, and since I haven't blogged about it yet here is an overview of my progress so far.

#1: Anadama Bread

(I didn't get a picture of my bread. This bread was made by the BBA Challenge founder and blogger extraordinare at Pinch My Salt)

The first bread was Anadama. This is a bread that is apparently popular in New England and is made with corn meal and molasses. I can't say as I've ever had molasses before, and the smell of it was not incredibly appealing to me. On top of all that, Beth hates corn meal (I know! Can you believe it?). Therefore, I wasn't holding out much hope that either of us would be loving this bread. However, when it came out of the oven smelling all yeasty and sweet, I was beginning to change my mind. The real challenge is the taste, however, and it was delightful! It had just a tiny hint of the molasses flavor, and the corn meal added a nice substantial texture but was not strong to the taste. Both Beth and I enjoyed it enough to finish off all two loaves between us. Although it was definitely good enough to eat, I don't think I'll be making it again. For the time and effort, I still prefer a nice honey whole wheat.

#2: Artos Greek Celebration Bread

I hate to admit that I didn't take a picture of this bread either, so I'm just not going to include one. I was actually very underwhelmed with this bread. I made a modified version of the Christopsomos variety. The recipe called for raisins, figs, and walnuts, but I decided to use cranberries and pecans instead. I thought the bread was both too lemony and too sweet, so I ended up taking most of it to work. My colleauges seemed to like it, given it was all gone by the end of the day. A lot of the BBA participants blogged about using it for french toast, which I tried with the portion I kept. It was better as french toast, but not great. I will definitely not be making this bread again.

#3: Bagels

Now this is a bread I could really sink my teeth into! Luckily Beth got me a new camera just in time to take pictures of my favorite recipe so far - bagels! Using the high gluten flour really made a difference in these bagels. The first batch I made for the BBA Challenge I just used bread flour, and I thought they were really good. The time (yes, I've already made them twice) I used the high gluten flour. I can't believe how much better these are. They taste delicious, and the texture is so light and chewy. So much better than any bagel I've ever tasted! If I had more time I would bake these every weekend.

I made three different flavors - sesame seed, salt & garlic, and cinnamon sugar. Delicious!

#4: Brioche

There were 3 different brioche recipes, depending on how much butter one could stomach. I, of course, chose the "Rich Man's Brioche", because despite it's sexist classist name, has the most butter. I made one into a loaf, which was super-tasty with marmalade. The other one I made with dark chocolate and almond filling. The dough is so tender it's more like a pastry than bread. This is seriously one of the best things I have ever eaten. I have half of it still sitting in my freezer, waiting to be eaten some bad-crampy PMS day when I need it the most.

#6: Challah

Yes, I know I skipped a number. It's because I actually decided not to make recipe #5 - the Castiello. Castiello is a bread filled with meat and cheese. Some of the other vegetarian BBA-ers and I were brain-storming meatless ways of making this bread, and honestly none of them sounded very appealing to me. Also, having just gained 5 pounds from the brioche, I decided that another fat and cheese laden bread was not what I needed. What I needed was the ultimate comfort food to drown my sorrows over gaining 5 pounds from the brioche. What I needed was challah. I was so exicted to see this recipe included, and I couldn't wait to try it out. Braiding bread has always been intimidating to me, so I've never made challah before now. I must say it turned out delicious. Eggy and soft just the way it should be.

That brings us up to date on the BBA challenge. Next up: ciabatta.

rise medusa

2009-06-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

Oh serpent, how you taunt me! Bound by these constraints I struggle against myself.

Step outside dressed in armor. Skin like glass
hard and cracked
you cannot reach me here.

Oh the hissing!
I shrink under your stare
cutting me to parts of my pieces I most want covered my mind is crowded whose body is this? i cower.
Shall I lower my eyes with a smile? Freeze my own blood so yours can rage?
Or shall I meet your gaze?

Reversing your stare turns you to stone.

See yourself see me, a toy
a ball to bat around in this world is your temple
push me under the rubble when it falls.

Oh I know!
They call me a monster when my obedience falters
fault me for fumbling out of the prison in your pupil
but being so statuesque makes me sore
it’s your turn to be still.

I hear the hissing
Snapping me awake.